


You.

by oikaneki



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Heavy Angst, I hate myself, M/M, Songfic, i am ever more sad why did i write this, idk it's implied oikawa has cancer but never stated so make of it what you want, it's like 4am lol sleep child, iwa-chan is sad, kind of, luv u oikawa but u always gotta suffer on my watch, oikawa dies srry, possible cancer trigger, sick Oikawa, ummm i dont know how to tag if you havent noticed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-11
Updated: 2017-04-11
Packaged: 2018-10-17 20:21:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10601517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oikaneki/pseuds/oikaneki
Summary: If you must mourn, my loveMourn with the moon and the stars up above





	

**Author's Note:**

> A songfic based off of You by Keaton Henson  
> (a very beautiful song)
> 
> ((Listen to it while you're reading for p a i n))

Tooru was dying. He knew it. Hajime knew it. The doctors knew it. Everyone knew it. And yet, Hajime could not bring himself to accept it. Tooru was only 23, he was still so full of life, still so good at volleyball, still so pretty, and most of all, still Tooru. It wasn’t fair.

 

Tooru was not scared of dying. But what he was scared of, was what his death would do to Hajime. Tooru was Hajime’s life and he knew it; they’d been a duo since the moment Oikawa was born and their mothers had gushed over how adorable they looked together. Hajime always tried to hide it, but Tooru could feel the small tremors of his body as they lay together, Tooru unable to do much else. He’d tried telling Hajime to move on already, find someone else for once he’s gone - but Hajime wasn’t having any of it. He was so hurt Tooru had even suggested such a thing that he cried. Tooru could only sit in silence and listen to his lover's agony.

 

Tooru didn’t want to breakdown in front of Hajime, couldn’t bear the pain it brought upon Hajime’s face. So he waited. Waited until Hajime was asleep, neck bent at an awful angle and soft snores slipping out of his nose. His body heaved as he leaned over the bathroom sink, gripping the edges so tight his knuckles were a sickly white colour. It matched the rest of skin, he thought. He hated how pitiful he looked. There were dark circles framing his dull, lifeless eyes, what remained of his hair was limp and greasy and his skin had formed an astounding number of purple and black bruises. Tooru was long gone. The person he’d spent his whole life building was nowhere to be seen. He looked dead already.

 

Hajime had woken up at some point, hearing faint cries through the bathroom door. He waited on the bed until Tooru was ready. When Tooru stepped out and noticed he was awake, his face paled even more - something Hajime didn’t think possible. But he didn’t mention it. What was the point? Instead he took Tooru’s hand and lead him to the chair by the window. He opened the blinds, slanting them upwards so they could gaze at the stars.

 

“If you must mourn, my love

Mourn with the moon and the stars up above.”

 

Tears pooled over Tooru’s eyes. He snaked his arms around Hajime’s neck and held him as tight and as close as he could. Hajime held back with just as much emotion.

 

“If you must mourn,

Don’t do it alone.”

 

Hajime held him a little tighter.

 

“Tooru, I need you to know..

If you must leave,

Leave as though fire burns under your feet.”

 _And believe me, you will_ , Hajime thought. _Your stupid personality leaves a burning impression on every goddamn person it reaches._

 

“If you must speak,

Speak every word as though it were unique.”

 

Hajime didn’t mention how quiet Tooru had become since he’d found out. He didn’t mention how Tooru’s bubbly personality had visibly dissipated from his being. He just quietly asked Tooru recognise the words he’d speak from now on would be his last; they had to be the best things he had ever said.

 

“If you must die sweetheart,

Die knowing your life is my life’s best part.”

 

A sole tear ran a path down Hajime’s face. It hung on his chin for a few seconds before it landed amongst the dark strands of Tooru’s hair. Hajime sighed, a painful, heart-wrenching sigh, as he buried his face into Tooru’s locks.

 

“If you must die,

Remember your life.”

 

Hajime wasn’t a religious person by any means, and he knew Tooru wasn’t either. He wasn’t quite sure if he believed in the after-life, or reincarnation or any other nonsense like that. But, what he did believe was that Tooru was the most beautifully amazing person he had ever come across - in every way possible. He needed Tooru to understand that. Just this once. Just this once he needed Tooru to forget all of his stupid insecurities, all of his lousy doubts about himself, and just be proud of himself. Be proud of the volleyball career he had slaved himself to get, be proud of the degree he had worked hard for, be proud of the person he was. Hajime tried to tell him.

 

“You are

You are

Oh, you are

You are

Oh”

 

But the words never made it past his lips. He knew that Tooru would not listen, would not believe him. It was futile anyway.

 

That night, as they lay together under the uncomfortable hospital blanket, Tooru fought one last time. But for once, he did not fight with himself. He fought the fears he had of leaving Hajime behind; he knew Hajime would be fine. Hajime was strong. Knowing he was leaving the best part of himself behind, the part that Hajime loved and cherished and spoke of, he began to take his last breaths. He would live on in Hajime’s memories and that was all he needed. He smiled at Hajime’s face, so peaceful as he slept. He pressed his cold lips to Hajime’s forehead and smiled a content smile.

 

“Darling one,

Just live.”

 

He lifted his shaking hand and sifted his fingers through Hajime’s hair one final time.

 

“I love you, Iwa-chan.

And if you must mourn, my love

Mourn with the moon and stars up above.

For there i’ll be

And if you must mourn,

You won’t do it alone.”

 

Tooru took one final breath.

**Author's Note:**

> uuuum well ya there you have it :-) my first ever fic !!!  
> I can't believe i killed Oikawa in my first fic what a monster 
> 
> I just wanted to say, it is very vaguely implied Oikawa has cancer (although, the symptoms he faces are symptoms of plenty of other diseases, so you can interpret it however you like). I wrote it because i have a long history with cancer and this in some senses a kind of catharsis??? But anyway,, if you ever want to talk to anyone about it, or anything else, i'm always here and i'll try my best to help !!
> 
> Also kudos, comments, constructive criticism and whatever else you can fling at me are all very much welcomed!!! 
> 
> Thank you for reading!!! 
> 
> PS here's the song
> 
> (i hope that worked i'm not very good with linking things lol)  
> \--  
> feel free to message/talk to me on here or on my:  
> tumblr !  
> [twitter !](http://twitter.com/yaoiikawa)


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